Finnish Game Awards was awful in every respect

Last night I watched the Finnish Game Awards show. From the very beginning we could see that it was awful and would deter the credibility of video game industry and the customers. I’m not going to go into the general set design or anything like that, as the gala itself was rather small and everything smelled like overcompensating with small budget.

During the first thirty seconds they showed one of the best examples how to lose your audience; the had this new Finnish pop singer Robin doing his/her most infamous song, which is so bad that it’s hilarious. Robin is like Justin Bieber of Finland, so I’m not sure if he is a boy or a man. I’m betting that Robin’s neither gender, and that it was custom built from Bieber’s spare parts.

After that huge misstep, I wanted them to redeem themselves. Finnish game industry has been in a slow steady rise for years. Surely these guys are professionals and their categories are interesting and well thought out.

“The first category is adventure and platforming game of the year”

So OK, they combined two genres that have something with common, I can live with that as long as they won’t—

“The nominees are Portal 2, Rayman Origins, Trine 2 and Uncharted 3”

Portal 2 as a platformer. Portal 2 is not a platformer, it’s a puzzle game. Why was Portal 2 in this category and why did it win? Because it’s Portal 2.

At this point I already lost all of my composure and wanted to drink myself to drunken state, because nothing could save this event. Nothing. Sadly, I had no alcohol at hand so I had to take the next best option; hot milk chocolate.

Next was up the best racing game of the year. Nominees were Dirt 3, Forza Motorsport 4, Mario Kart 7 and Shift 2. Forza 4 won, but not without extremely lame and awful jokes.

At this point we got Commodore 64 and Amiga jokes. I see what they were trying to do here, but they failed so hard that I had to get a new cup of choco milk.

The next category was strange. They clearly wanted to say that it was the multiplayer of the year, but they circumvented this by saying that it was the “social game” of the year. What the hell is a social game? Every game can be social. Whatever, I’m not going to start ranting about this. The nominees were Battlefield 3, Call of Duty; Modern Warfare 3, latest Finnish Singstar and Star Wars The Old Republic. See what I mean with the best multiplayer of the year? Battlefield 3 won, to which I laughed my ass off. Sure, it’s social to sit in front of your damn screen and yell to other unknown players how much they suck. On top of that, they had direct video connection to some person from the BF3 devteam, who them thanked in Finnish.

I thought they couldn’t dig themselves any deeper in shit, but then a spokesperson from SONY stepped in and had her commercial brake about the PSVita. She announced that the “handheld game revolution is here, and that you must be cautious with the PSVita, as it induces game addiction of severe kind.” I was laughing my ass off. No game revolution comes with the kind of sales PSVita is having, or with the derivative hardware. She got her applauses and was pleased with herself. Good for her. Thanks for the laughs.

The family game of the year went to Skylanders (no surprise), the music game of the year was Dance Central 2, the gameshop of the year was Prisma, and Veikon Kone in Tammisto had some strange unique game store of the year award. However, what boggled my mind that Super Mario Land 3D won the mobile game of the year award. Mobile game of the year. Again, I can see what they were going with these names, but when talking about a mobile game the customers do think about games played on mobile phones, not on handheld consoles. Again, misstep in their behalf.

Then I got new laughs; Mert Otsamo walked on the stage to announce the most innovative game of the year. The man looked like a stereotypical homosexual with insanely bad fashion taste. And you know what game won the award? Nintendo 3DS. Not a game, but console. This is three missteps in one, four if you count Otsamo’s attire. First is that they used this category. The second is to allow a console in the nominees. The third is that the console won. 3DS did not innovate anything. It didn’t deserve this award.


I wanted to lariat every single person on the stage

The RPG of the year went to Skyrim, no surprises there. The action game award went to Arkham City. They had Battlefield 3 as a nominee, which claimed a facepalm from me.

But then they had the balls to have the motion game of the year award, because they’re so much in rise and selling more and more, according to these gentlemen. We all know that motion games aren’t really selling, and even then they’re selling only because more games are having optional motion controls. Dance Central 2 won the award. I’ve got nothing to complain here, as this category could just go and fuck itself. Next.

Fifa 12 as the sports game of the year. I can get behind it, but the whole thing just went to downhill when Keith Armstrong started to tell drunk jokes with Angry Birds connection. It was tasteless, and ruined otherwise the best part of the whole show.

The Finnish game of the year award had some decent games. Outland, Trine 2, Cities in Motion and Death Rally. It doesn’t matter that Outland won, because these four showed how derivative and unimaginative games Finnish game industry does. While every one of the nominees have had good reviews, they’re not really what you call their own entities. To say, they’ll never have any kind of impact on the game industry as the developers wish.

And the game of the year was Skyrim.

I wanted leave this the last; the worst thing in the whole show was that every representative in every category basically had commercial time. They had speeches how their company was better than the competitors and how this new game was innovative or great otherwise. This award who had zero credibility. It took away a lot respect the industry had.

Finnish Game Awards was a total fiasco. It was pretty damn clear that only few companies were even considered to enter the competition, and the sponsors were the priority, for example the lack of Xenoblade Chronicles in the RPG genre award. To quote, it’s the inbred industry’s fault. All of the nominee games had a huge hype before their release and had million dollar budget. Naturally, the Finnish games didn’t have a million budget or a huge hype behind them, but that doesn’t save anything. Did they even see what they were doing?

I just hope that Finnish Game Awards won’t be an annual thing, as anyone who stepped up there ridiculed themselves and their company to an extreme degree At least they the gala was late on a weekday so it eliminated a lot of watchers.

I just realized that they gave no reasons or explanations why the winning games /console deserved the award. I might need some alcohol to wash this bad taste away.

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