Is it too much to ask some decent quality from Finnish conventions?

When I’m writing this blog I’m trying to write to larger audience in text. Then, there’s times when I let the part of me which is completely in the sub-culture rampage. You saw part of this when I reviewed the Finnish Game Awards last year, and from some of the âge related posts. I’m part of the fandom and part of the people whom with I share my hobby and interests. Then sometimes I see something that makes me boil, something that I wish to punch into the ground and ask WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN? I ask that whenever I watch Star Trek Voyager and Enterprise. So please hold on to your butts when I go slightly drunkard rage about local fandom that can go screw itself in the forest.

Take this hedgehog with you, you might need it.
Take this hedgehog with you, it might come in handy.

Now, with this second glass of 2cl whiskey and Christmas apple pop I read the event schedule for Desucon Frostbite 2013, an anime convention that is held in Lahti Finland. I don’t usually go to conventions unless I’m one of the workforce and having a panel of sort on my own. A panel two years ago bombed because my co-host ultimately only knew about Macross and Gurren Lagann, whereas I spend a lot of time talking about almost every show. Last year I held that OVA history panel. This year I’m aiming to have a panel about how companies succeed and fail at brand management in both visual and content department. See, I wish to bring some class, some actual content to the local event we have. My aim is to inform myself and others about things that matter more outside opinions. Facts can’t lie. Making a panel of matter that has been talked and debated thousands of times over is not good entertainment nor does it inform. Making a panel about one being uninformed and ignorant draws laughter from those who are wiser. In short, I just wish to bring a bit of professionalism to a sub-culture that is filled with idiots and ignorants that want to laugh and hump each other on the conference floor while wanking off each others’ egos about how nice their godawful cosplay is. The larger audience, the real people out there, do not give a flying fuck about us and will never regard this as a serious hobby as long as we keep having panels about fanfiction character relations shipping.

Yes dear reader, I’m mad as hell and on my fourth glass of whiskey at the moment. I ran out of pop. I’m going to tear this schedule a new ass to shit from. I’m sorry that it’s Finnish only, God forbid the people running this show to make an English mirror for their site when they have Norio Wakamoto on the stage and people from all over Europe are coming in. God I hate this level of stupidity.

So OK, Saturday morning panels are Tales of Whaa I’m sorry, if you’re having a Finnish panel then have your panel in Finnish and avoid using these godawful jokes in there if you’re not going to make a comedy panel. The panels is a joke from the get go; they’re going to concentrate on the characters and on the story rather than on the gameplay. Because of people like you the game industry is dying for God’s sake I need more whiskey. The panel this joke is going against is Drills, tits, robots and a little epicness- For the love of all that is holy what is wrong with these people? YES, Gurren Lagann became popular as the cheapest whore in a village consisting only of men, but do you REALLY assume that people in this fandom have missed Gurrel Lagann so completely that you need a panel to explain why its popular? This is a good example of a panel that could be replaced with fifteen minutes of googling or ten minutes of Youtube viewing. There’s no reason this kind of panel should be here; it’s repetitive, self-doubting and clearly aimed at somebody who has never heard of word anime in their lives. And every single time you describe something as epic I want to punch you in the mouth with a brass knuckles that have shotguns shells installed.

Next up are Good, bad and brainless? with You have a weird fliflap.
Now the former might actually be decent as it should dog up some really strange stuff, but I’m completely positive we’ll end up hearing of stuff like Dragon Half or bunch of 80’s OVAs. Hell, my blog alone has more obscure OVAs listed than half of the attendees have ever heard. Then we have the flipflap panel and I want to punch these people if they’re going to use original examples or foreign dubs. This panel shares a problem with pretty much every panel that I won’t be mentioning; it has a specific small group to cater to. If you’re not wanting to be a voice actor, or anally pained how the flipflap misses one millisecond on shows, this panel isn’t for you.

I’m not even going to touch DokiDokisomething, Ghibli part of life (BWAHAHAHAHAHA!) and Cosplay and self-confidence (hint; if you don’t have one, don’t cosplay [Hint #2; Cosplay isn’t about suiting up like your character, it is about being the character. Get your shit right, cosplaying isn’t about being in a carnival.]) panels. They’re completely underwhelming by name and content description, and one can find the content they’re going to have with fifteen minute Googling again. But then, we have something that is wrong with the fandom; shipping. Now in general having a panel about the fandom related activity is a good idea, as most of these will go unnoticed by the larger crowd, like what goes into making a doujin comic. Then we have this kind of panels that talk about something that the panel holders themselves do and what is generally considered a degeneratory thing within the fandom. People, don’t have panels about your fanfictions. Nobody cares outside your own little circlejerk friends. Whoops there went through two or three panels.

Even Daft Punk seems to agree that this is some serious idiocy
Even Daft Punk seems to agree that this is some serious idiocy

Lesson #1; Design panels that are interesting to everybody and that is not offensive to anyone in any way. If you’re going to put tits in your panel name, then you better show be some goddamn good quality tits.

Now there’s a panel that I’m interested in, it’s called Anime’s adoption countries = cult series around the world. This sounds interesting, but then again this panel could be just another googling job. Depending what countries are handled, this could be the shining gem amidst it all. Then again, if they fail to mention how Goldorak is the only anime to get 100% viewership around the world when competing channels existed, they’ve failed. France is a gold mine when it comes to anime to the extent some people talk about euroanime. Then we have Interstellar relationship charts which goes through slew of character relations outside the school environment. Good job ignoring Kimi ga Nozomu Eien, [Editor; bastards] and if you’re not going to mention Muv-Luv then you can I need more whiskey to keep going.

Y’know, if you’re going to have a panel about Upotte, please, PLEASE make intellectual wankery rather than about why RK-95 is insane sadistlesbianmistress. It’s not funny, it’s not entertaining and I can’t masturbate to it in public. That would be a nice general rule; if you’re having anything with slightly touching fanservice to level of softcore porn, don’t use it. Otherwise make it a mid-night show and offer people tissues.

Homepropper’s ABC sounds awesome though, the only really interesting panel this far. While there are tutorials and such, this is really a subject that needs the voice of experience. I’m eagerly waiting for this one. The rest of the day is just unwatchable garbage, thou I’ll give the Chuu2byou a benefit of doubt. All other panels I never mentioned can go screw themselves. They bring nothing new to the table and offer no new information or experiences.

So, Sunday starts with with Don’t watch anime named Gundam-

YOU DO NOT NAME YOUR PRESENTATION AS "DON'T WATCH SERIES NAMED GUNDAM" IF YOU'RE GOING TO TELL THE AUDIENCE HOW TO WATCH GUNDAM AND HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE MOST ICONIC MOBILE SUITS. THAT'S COMPLETELY STUPID.
YOU DO NOT NAME YOUR PRESENTATION AS “DON’T WATCH SERIES NAMED GUNDAM” IF YOU’RE GOING TO TELL THE AUDIENCE HOW TO WATCH  A SERIES NAMED GUNDAM AND HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE MOST ICONIC MOBILE SUITS WITHIN SAID SERIES. THAT’S COMPLETELY STUPID.

The panel is how not to watch the Gundam series. This panel is example of all bad that is in the current fandom; plain ignorance and unwillingess to do any research. This panel is going to be so bad and I’m intending to go there and point every single error the guy makes. Y’know how to watch Gundam? GO to Wikipedia and check what has been made and start watching them as they are listed. It’s not that hard, it just demands three brain cells but knowing the generic anime audience these brain cells are already dead and the genitals do all the thinking. Also, I ran out of whiskey and now I’d drinking beer.

I’ll say it now; Sunday’s program is an atrocity against mankind and breaks all rules of the Geneve convention. But the worse is Pokémon vs. Digimon. Props for typing Pokémon with the é, but do we really need to go through a subject that was settled TEN YEARS AGO? Actually more than that. This panel is unnecessary, stupid and completely bullshit. We’re adults, right? We can do our own research to determine which is better. We can sit down and watch both first seasons of the shows and play the games. We can make our own damn decisions. Unless this is a proper debate, then the panel has no reason to be there whatsoever. It’s like having a panel on Galaxt Express 999 and Captain Harlock; the end result is that both of them are awesome.

I’m not saying that the anime fandom has grown in the last thirty years. Some people in the fandom have, and it’s understandable to see young people to have this kind of panels, but seeing this level is garbage year after year sucks all the fun in going to the conventions. There’s literally no program to the general public, only for selected audience in an already small group. It’s stupid. Sticking to one series to show WHY IT BECAME POPULAR is stupid. If you’re going to discuss one series, have a two hours lecture where you spend the first hour setting the series and introducing it while answering questions, and then the second going in depth about it. Opinionated panels are good as long as you’re admitting it and allowing the opposing views have their stay, otherwise your panel is bad comedy. Needs of the many outweight the needs of the one, and the one being the panelist/s. Seriously, if you’re up there having a show, then make sure that it’s quality from top to bottom and something that the audience finds interesting. Fuck what you think, you, the panels, they do not matter nor do your tastes. Props to you if you manage to find a subject you find interest in.

And for the love of all loving Primus do your own research. Hell. I’ll give you some subjects you could do that would demand some research from you; Change of male/female character depiction from the 70’s to 00’s in selected genre; Effects of Star Trek to Japanese popular culture and how it affects modern anime; Manga, anime and games- how branding and franchising one series is alive in the Japanese culture; Midnight anime series and their evolution from adult humour to softcore porn; Evolution of design in anime, or how cylinders became cubes and then cubic cylinders and Mazinger Z and it’s effects on Japanese otaku culture.

Is it too much to ask for some goddamn quality? Well, of course it is when it comes to these people. Well shit, I had to come to that conclusion after seven glasses of whiskey and a bottle of Asahi Dry beer.

Now, I’m not saying that don’t have fun. I’m not saying that you couldn’t provoke your audience with slightly misleading titles. I care about this hobby of mine enough to get mad at people wasting their time, other people’s time and my own. I’m sure that a lot of people will enjoy some of these panels and presentations, but when the offering is this bad from year to year, you kind of lose the sight of what’s really good. What I’m saying that these people, who are clearly amateurs, should put on their best effort to deliver content that would stay away from the negative stereotypes. Pretty much every single held event there is nothing short of piss easy googling and shows complete lack of enthusiasm to the overall scene outside their own interest. This sort of convention only enforces the negative view the rest of the nation has on the people who are into this sub-culture. Not only that, but you can see that these people have no intention of putting a good show. They’re making them just to make sure that they get in free. Well you do a bett– I’m the paying customer. I have no need to do any better. I have all rights the be there to say that this is piece of shit and not worth the 20€ I paid for the ticket. Anyway, I have done better, and I will make a better program than any of these listed here. Hell, my program last year was better than any program any of these people have at Frostbite, OUTSIDE one.

There’s exactly one panel that I’m sure it will be good, awesome, informative, entertaining and interesting. It’s called An invitation to Japanese comic studies which not only tells everything you need to know about the program, but also that these people might have a slight knowledge what they’re going to talk about. The again, they do mention yuri in the panel description, which automatically throws me into a spiral of suspicion. Why to separate it from other genres? Are they going to concentrate on it that much? If so, then they’re going to lose the credibility I have given here. Otherwise Frostbite is like in a mountain of shit there’s a small shiny gem, but if all signs show me right, the gem will only be covered in shit and only mentioned once in a bard’s song years from here.

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2 thoughts on “Is it too much to ask some decent quality from Finnish conventions?

  1. I’ll try not to gush too much (especially since this comment is totally unrelated to the post), but I have to say that I found your blog by accident and plan to spend the rest of my evening combing it over. Your rants are divine and your reviews are superb. Thank you for making the internet a better place just by being here.

  2. Hei!

    En valitettavasti löytänyt sähköpostiosoitettasi blogista etkä ilmeisesti käytä Twitteriä, joten ainut tapani kommunikaation on kommenttilaatikko.

    Desucon Frostbite meni jo, mutta toivottavasti viihdyit ennakko-odotuksistasi huolimatta. Kesän Desucon hakee nyt laadukasta animeaiheista ohjelmaa ja tekstisi mukaan vaikutat sekä itsevarmalta, että asialleen omistautuneelta puhujalta. Olisitko kiinnostunut puhumaan Desuconissa jostain valitsemastasi aiheesta, esimerkiksi mainitsemastasi animaatiostudioiden sisällöntuottamisesta ja visuaalisesta ilmeestä ja näiden vaikutuksesta suosiolukemiin?

    Mikäli kiinnostuit, minuun saa yhteyden maililla osoitteeseen Hoothoot@desucon.fi. Odotan vastaustasi.

    Terveisin,
    Desuconin ohjelmavastaava

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