Why would you need a ghost bear trap?

The new Ghostbusters movie looks absolutely terrible, if the trailer is to go by. The 3D CG looks fake, something you saw in the movies sixteen years ago. The characters seem to be more or less more stereotypical and supercharged counterparts of the original cast, but also less endearing. How many times we’ve seen the quirky tech geek girl with weird hair or the sassy black woman? Hell, porno has wider variety in characters and how they are represented than modern Hollywood productions.

But we ain’t going there. What we gonna talk about is how many shelf warming toys this movie will make. Why am I saying this? Because the trailer is filled with gadgets that make no other sense in the larger franchise.

It’s nothing new to have toys of Ghostbusters. Kenner’s Ghostbusters toyline was based on the The Real Ghostbusters cartoon with few points taken from the second movie when it rolled around, but overall it was based on a kids show. The 80’s had a really strange way to make cartoons and children’s toylines from R rated movies, like Robocop and Rambo. Hell, Alien had kids’ toys too, and they sold like shit.

G.I. Joe and Transfomers showed the toy manufacturers  that tying your toy to a character and selling it based on the emotional contact the consumer had made with the character was the best choice. You weren’t just buying another car-robot changing toy, you were Optimus Prime. With Ghostbusters, you had the character toys, but all the toy proton packs and similar sold on the idea of playing a Ghostbuster yourself. Not cosplaying, but actually playing ghost busting with your friends. You know you did it, we all did.

The movie has at least two different basic type of proton throwers. The first model we saw them using in the hospital, on which I based a review on, and these throwers still look absolutely horrendous.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_00.59_[2016.03.03_19.43.15]

The thrower we see here is largely the same. We have a nice look to the other side of the thrower, because it’s on its back. The deign is still absolutely atrocious, and how it stands from its stick thin handle leaves no admirable elements.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.44_[2016.03.03_19.44.09]

This scene is cringe worthy in every regard, but you can see the boxy proton thrower there. You can barely see the handle, but you can see how it’s angled towards the chest of whoever her character name is. In order to grasp the proton thrower, you’d need to over-twist your wrist to pick it up. Even if it would come off from the side, the arm and hand are in shit position in every regard. Nobody would make this sort of design to be used in the field, not even prototypes, because you always do scratch models from cardboard or foam to test before you move into  production. I honestly can’t get over how they’re willingly ignoring basics of product design this hard in order to masturbate over the gadget upgrade shit they are doing in this flick.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.02_[2016.03.03_19.43.26]
Their reaction is not because they got scared of the trap, they’re scared of the price that shit would cost in-universe

And I do mean gadget bullshit, like a fucking ghost bear trap. Why in the fuck would they need this sort of overly complex bullshit? The original Ghostbusters had a very simple to the point trap. This is design masturbation, making things more complex than it needs to be. The reason you want your gear to be simple is to prevent shit from breaking down and being jammed on the field. Having a huge, laser pointer filled bear trap in a situation where everything is frantic, shit’s not gonna work. But of course it will work and I have no doubts this will be some sort of specialised gadget used to trap some specialised types of ghosts, because Jesus fuck look at the size of that thing!

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.01_[2016.03.03_19.43.20]

They are not going to lug something that big around on their normal house calls. If that shit is metal as they make it seem to be, the outer frame and the gears alone would make it insanely massive thing to carry. Maybe they’re going to install it on the roof of the car or some shit like that, but why in the fuck would it be a bear trap then? Somebody needs to step into the trap to trigger it, and you can see the goddamn pad there. Seeing they have a remote for it, they could make all their traps wireless, or even better, create traps that suck the ghost in rather than trap it in one place. You never saw that suction light effect from it as it really seems to be just a goddamn leg trap. With green lasers too!

But you know what everybody missed from Extreme Ghostbusters ?

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.51_[2016.03.03_19.44.59]Motherfucking proton pistols

There is no reason for these to exist other than the following.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.52_[2016.03.03_19.45.02]
Stop sexually harassing those pistols

If there were not Proton pistols, they would not be included in the pack. They even have a specialised compartment for them. Even in Extreme Ghostbusters, Kylie’s Proton Pistol was weaker weapon due to the stronger trap, trap that was far more useful than the bear trap above. Kyelie’s armour overall was design wank as well for the toy and to make her different from the rest of the cast, but I can give it a pass mostly because it was a goddamn cartoon and she only had one. Dual wielding guns is a terrible idea, but at least one of the ladies knows this. Except these to be sold individually for maximum profits. I sincerely hope they are something else than proton pistols.

They even look like toys. Actually, they look more like BOSCH’s bottle opener with a modified handle.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.48_[2016.03.03_19.44.28]

There are even more gadget. The big black sassy woman has an extra thingy under the pistol compartment, and funny fat one on the left has something else too. Note that they are using the more reasonable wand-styled proton throwers here.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.52_[2016.03.03_19.45.14]

Now, the thing with proton wands is that while this looks cool, you do not hold it like that. They’re not rifles. The proton thrower is more like a water hose or a flamethrower. Like a water hose, it has a constant kickback and tends to wander around. You want to lower it down near your center of weight and have total control over it. Y’know, how they did in the first movie.

Because it's fantastical doesn't give you the freedom to be stupid, and these guys knew it
Because it’s fantastical doesn’t give you the freedom to be stupid, and these guys knew it

Granted, the above rifle pose is a trailer made moneyshot and they recreate this scene almost 1:1 as well. The cartoons also had them hold the proton throwers in weird positions sometimes, but rule of coll sometimes trumps over common sense. You could just attach a laser pointer to the thrower and use those to help with your aim, but that would be too logical.

Speaking of stupid, they have the Power Glove in there too!

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_01.53_[2016.03.03_19.45.27]
Weren’t you supposed to capture the ghosts, not disintegrate? IDW’s Ghostbusters had a whole damn plot line about why you shouldn’t do this. Here’s another angle

My guess would be that this is the dangly bit the funny fat one is wearing underneath her proton pack. The idea of having a proton brass knuckles may be nice, but why in the fuck would you want to get close of something dangerous when you could just shoot it? Maybe it’s more powerful, but I call bullshit on that. After the bear trap they have no excuses in making heavy gear, like a proton shotgun or something.

There’s just one thing more that looks really, really goddamn strange when it comes to the equipment.

GHOSTBUSTERS - Official Trailer HD - YouTube.mp4_snapshot_00.58_[2016.03.03_19.43.10]

Everything has a red central light. The original effects had a governing red as well, but they had far more white in them alongside with blues and other occasional colours. In this reboot/sequel, every equipment is washed in red colour, making it look like it’s overheated and ready to explode. The original pack wasn’t washed in one, massive heatlamp like this new one, it had those four dots that rotated alongside small lit dots here and there to show status. This new one looks like a Chinese knock-off.

Everything in the trailer looks colour coded as well. Ghosts are green and blue, the ‘busters are red and yellow. Y’know, for you ease of viewing so you don’t need to pay any attention what’s actually going on the screen while you’re texting. The only practical effect they’re using seems to be the slime, but I guess that’s the only they couldn’t get away with CGI.

I’m not even going show Ecto-1, as they made the shit hearse joke. It’s actually pretty decent in design overall, mostly because it doesn’t stray too far from the original Ecto-1, much like how the logo is just shinier version.

I don’t expect this movie to be a hit. The designs will yield loads of toys for sure, but how much they will sell is another story altogether. In mecha genre, there is this mid-season upgrade stereotype, where the main character/s get load of new mechas in order for the company to sell more toys and models. This new Ghostbusters reeks of this exact same, but it also looks like the writers had a gadget hard-on.

It’s like a new Ghostbusters can’t make it stand apart from the rest without tampering with the equipment and adding useless shit on top of everything else. Re-designing the base equipment is expected and is all good, but adding new equipment one after another to make it stand apart is lazy, and this new Ghostbusters movie is like a collection of abandoned, stupid ideas. They will try to justify everything in-universe, but within the franchise all the above lose what has been made previously.

Rather than watch this, watch the first few seasons of the Real Ghostbusters. That show had better trailers than this movie, and I promise most episodes are far better written than this reboot/sequel.

One more thing about the trailer; there were no four scientist. Winston was not a scientist.

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